Getting quiet (especially when your brain wants anything but)

Photo: Christina Perry

As I type this there is an improv festival happening in my community and I’m not there playing, supporting and socializing with so many wonderful people, because I feel this epic pull to retreat for a bit.

It is hard to let go of the feeling of missing out. And the feeling of not being there to support friends and new friends I could be making. It’s hard to sit here and tell myself that I need this time. It’s even harder to believe it.

Sometimes I need extra time because it seriously takes a day (or more) to wrestle with these thoughts before I can even get creative and productive. In the midst of FOMO town, I’ve also got thoughts about regrets, mistakes, sweet memories that turned sour. Worries about the future, finances, dreams.

There are fears about being forgotten, or losing friends because you’re not there to support. And often forgetting how important it is to support yourself before you can fully support anyone else.

There is so much to battle with, just to get quiet. The feelings that pass through are incredibly uncomfortable, if your brain works anything like mine does. There is so much toiling and fretting over things that can’t be controlled. And so many questions about my own capabilities and worth.

Often it’s easy to push these thoughts down and stay busy with distractions and other social activities. But it’s important and necessary to sit and feel everything. It’s frustrating. It’s unsettling. It hurts. But it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Sit there in your shit. Really sit in it and feel it all roll through you. Feel it and be frustrated and don’t be afraid to surrender to what is happening. This is what I have to tell myself constantly.

Then when you’re done, give yourself a break to see a friend or a few and get some ice cream. Like I’m going to do tomorrow. I’m actually hoping for brain freeze!