Five Weeks

Today I’ve left Miami, five weeks from arriving for a short visit to see my dad. We knew his cancer had become more challenging but did not expect the decline that occurred after my arrival. In just a few days he was in the hospital. Then five days later in hospice. About nine days later we were preparing funeral arrangements. It all flew by us.

In those last weeks my dad was never alone. One of us was with him day or night. Cousins and friends came to see him. His partner and her family. His granddaughter. Her fiancé. My partner. Mom, brother, sister in law, aunt, cousin. His bonus grandson. There were friends from grade school in Cuba.

People drove from hours away to wish him well. His room in the hospice became the party room with visitors bringing Cuban treats, chocolate shakes, soup, takeout etc. While dad was barely eating in hospice, he did enjoy some chocolate shake! And who can blame him. The rest of us enjoyed the goods while tending to him at all hours. My sweetie would ask, is it okay that all of this is going on here? My dad’s cousin would say, “when Cubans go to the hospital, we all go, and we bring the food.”

I learned a lot about the people who had stuck with him over the years and looked up to him. I learned a lot about his cousins and their early days in Miami after my dad came from Cuba. I learned about his softer side as he expressed himself quietly, sweet talked the staff, and always reached his hands out to be held. They would ask in the hospice and in the hospital “tienes dolor?” and he would smile and say no. But he was indeed in great pain. He also kept his humor in his last moments. When asked if he had allergies, he’d answer “yes, to people that don’t pay on time.”

Our relationship was often tricky or distant. He had a lot going on while I was growing up and I just always thought that girls didn’t have close relationships with their dads. Kinda like when the big boss feels off limits at work. I realized as I got older that this wasn’t the case and just accepted things as they were. And I spent so many years living away which didn’t help. Even though I knew I had to live my life I wrestled constantly with guilt over being away for so long. But it felt like we were moving towards a new place in our relationship in recent years. He was in a great spot in his life and it was wonderful to experience. And it helped us too. But these things are fleeting when life has other plans.

The days after the services were spent cleaning out his condo and driving deep into the past. After having an out of state move this year I realize we had more in common because the man kept everything and damn it, so did I. There’s been quite a bit of letting go recently. And still so much to process.

I’m thankful that he was surrounded by us all in those last moments. And thankful for friends and family that have supported during all of it. There was a lot of coming together and very special important moments that happened because of this all.

I’ve been soaking up being in Miami for the last five weeks. The epic heat, the colors, the Spanish, the coffee. I always wanted to go far away from this city, but being back was good, bittersweet, painful, healing, comforting. These five unexpected weeks have changed everything.