The Thing About Birthdays
Birthdays are always so interesting. We get this time each year to take stock and think about what’s working and maybe beat ourselves up over what’s not. And think all the things like what am I doing, how did I get here, why haven’t I gone further by now, I should’ve cleaned the house before today, my clutter pile is growing, what is that noise in my car, will I ever get my kitchen outlets or that bathroom leak fixed, what would my child have been like if I had one, why do I have so many plastic bags, how did I end up with so many napkins, my stomach hurts, I think I disappointed someone, I have too many socks, will I ever find love again.
Truth is I’m anxious most of the time, depressed other parts of the time, worried I’ve upset people many parts of the time, wanting food and sleep lots of the time. Trying to figure out the meaning and purpose of everything all the time and mostly exhausted from it.
But also I’m extremely grateful to just be alive to experience simple delightful things each day. Like the wonderful moment when I get home from work, the first sip of tea in the morning, the groans and chuckles I get from telling bad jokes, the joy that comes from petting the sweetest dog, the comfort of talking to family, the excitement of a trip to somewhere new or familiar and hopefully there’s comedy involved, that feeling of being with a friend who gets you, the smell of pumpkin spice candles when the hottest days start ending, laughing with close friends or strangers, extra ridiculous snapchat filters, supporting someone through a rough time, learning from each other, loving the journey and forgetting about the rat race to the finish line. Reaching out to someone. The nice feeling of being reached out to.
The truth is even with all the anxiety and down feelings and doubt and fear, there’s so much to delight in. And it’s all so easy to overlook. But it’s all there. And you have the bad stuff, and then you really appreciate the good stuff, or even just the okay stuff!
And if you’ve made it this far into my post, I salute you. And I’m not sure what my point is anymore.
Oh I know, it’s that I’m grateful for all that got me here. The messiness, the challenges, the imperfections and the beauty of it all. I think that’s it.
And also I’m thankful for the courage I see in the people around me everyday. If you’re reading this, that’s you. You’re out there slaying at life everyday and you’re inspiring. You’re experiencing loss and love and growth. You’re really killing it. Don’t give up.
We’re in this together. Also thanks for the birthday wishes! You’re great.